Your friendly local CAMRA newsletter for Northwestcentral Lancashire.
Spring/Summer/Autumn
2013
Membership news
Not
much happening as far as membership goes in this issue. Still only 3 active members in our
branch. Come on you bastards, and get to
the next committee meeting at the Cask & Condition next month. I’m finding it increasingly hard to get my
dog and cat to come each time to make the quorum. Not to mention getting them to drink a pint
of Scruttock’s Old Todger.
New Pub Report
It
appears a new hostelry has opened in our area since I updated the last pub
list. It’s called The Clown’s Revenge
Bar. I went there to rate the ales and found
they were selling their pints 2% under measure and 0.5 degrees too warm. Needless to say, I have reported them to Cask
Marque and am noting it here so our members don’t have to put up with such
shoddiness. I hope the place closes
down, the twats.
Keg Is Evil
Reading
the beer blogs recently, I see there have been arguments about a new category of
beer called “craft keg”. I’ve been a
branch secretary for 35 years and have never heard the like. I remember the days of Worthington E and
Watney’s Red Barrel and don’t want to go back.
Apparently, these beers are of so-called “higher quality” than old
keg. But I say they are WORSE. They are PRETENDING to be good beer which
makes them WORSE than the tasteless fizzy keg of the 70s. If these new “craft
beers” become popular, what’s to stop Big Brewers from marketing their smooth
mild as “craft beer brewed with highest quality ingredients”? Repeat after me - KEG IS EVIL AND MUST BE
KILLED OFF LIKE THE DEAD BEER IT IS! Do
it NOW! You’ll be sorry when in future
there’s NO real ale, and you have to pay £8 for a pint of John Smiths.
Pub Closures
Several
pubs have closed recently in our branch area.
I would name them but they were only student and chav pubs selling lager
to louts and idiots. Some would say that
any pub closing and people losing their jobs is a tragedy, but I disagree. Any so-called pub that sells chemical filth
to morons deserves to close in my opinion. As long as MY favourite pubs which
cater for decent people like CAMRA members stay open, then that’s fine and
dandy. Only real ale drinkers deserve to
drink in public. The rest of the bastards
can sit at home in front of the football with their supermarket slab of
Carling.
(the above is a cruel parody of the worst sort of CAMRA activism and should not be taken as representative of my views of CAMRA as a whole)
No mention of zombeers in this months issue?
ReplyDeleteI think "evil keg" is now more fashionable than "zombeers". Brings to mind a metal cylinder with a red nose, white face and frizzy hair. CAMRA could commision Stephen King to do a novel about it.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, an eccentric couple in my local branch of CAMRA did actually enrol their cat as a member of the Campaign and brought it along to branch meetings. Its name was Theakston Sebastian Splodge. I have no idea about its beer preferences, though.
ReplyDeleteI think your only option, ML, is to move away from CAMRA Stereotypeland.
ReplyDeleteRiley and his mates at Central Lancs seem to have toned down the Anti-Keg rhetoric. I even ordered some crafty stuff right in front of him at The Moorbrook and he didn't say a word.
ReplyDeleteTo tell the truth, I think, they prefer the branch being a "private club" where they don't need to acknowledge outsiders. When they turn up at The Moorbrook, they order their pints, go into one of the rooms and shut the door. Not exactly inclusive.
I probably should barge in one day, membership card in one hand, pint of Magic Rock in the other saying "By heck, this Craft Keg's a bit good, innit." You'll know when I do it. The Lancashire Evening Post headline will be "Paisley Shirted Idiot Killed On A6 After Being Physically Thrown Out Of Pub"