Monday, 14 April 2014

Weather or Not

It seems summer has arrived early in the North West. After 6 months of wet weather that made the Pacific seem like the Sahara by comparison, the previously unseen round yellow thing in the sky has made an appearance. No doubt it will be pissing it down tomorrow, but people seem to be enjoying it while it's there. If you live in Lancashire, I suppose you have to.

What this mean for the drinking establishments will vary. The problem will be for places that don't have outside seating (or "Beer Gardens" as they are often euphemistically called). I know of one such place who's manager left after being confronted by the pub company for "under par" sales in the hot summer of 2013. "But we don't have a beer garden!" he told them "Everyone went to those bloody places by the canal!" To no avail.

At the time I suggested a 10% discount for goths (no way would they be outside, with that black clothing), but that foundered when the barman said, with characteristic open-mindedness "I'm not fucking serving goths". Some people don't like logical suggestions, it appears.

The crunch time for the place will be this summer. Being a bar of the Crafty persuasion, it has no TVs, so the World Cup (a long-standing booster of the pub trade) will be a no-go. So I will offer them another idea. "Look," I shall say "not everyone likes football. Simply put on Facebook, Twitter, the website etc. this this place is a 'World Cup Free Zone' You can even put a burst ball on the A-board outside and write on it 'Want to see the big game? Well, fuck off to Spoons, then.' Turn a negative into a positive, man."

I await to see the reaction when I suggest this.


  1. Many pubs would get a surprisingly positive reaction if they made a virtue of being “football-free zones”. Apart from the England matches the World Cup won’t be that great a draw anyway, as it’s all on free-to-air TV.

  2. Tell them to get bench seating, a cheese salad with NO pork pie, a pub cat that molts hair all over you and stinks, ban children, 10 different types of boring brown bitter, ban lager, give out free copies of the Daily Mail, no TV's, no under 50's and watch the place prosper and thrive.

  3. I am urging the lad to join your campaign for proper pubs, Mudge, and steer clear of plastic Mcpubs.

    But micro pubs are a fad, I keep telling you. Nano pubs are the future. Specifically shed pubs.