The Transitory Nature

Maybe some day you'll miss me, and when you really miss me, you'll turn around I won't be there

Recently, one of the barmaids at my local announced she was leaving to go and live in a campsite in the Balkans. "Next Saturday's my last shift, she said.  Of course, everyone made the suitably sad noises. Except, of course, me.  "You, don't look sad, Matt." she reacted.

"I presume there will be someone to serve drinks after you go, right?" I said "Are you sad to be going?". She admitted she wasn't really, as she was excited about the future.  But she still looked at me as though I was some kind of evil bastard.

As many of you know, I've worked in retail for 20 years.  The average service length of anyone in a low-level retail job is around 18 months (which will probably go down even further as the shops seek ever younger staff in ever fewer hours contracts), so in that time I've probably worked with hundreds of people.  When they leave, they always say they'll keep in touch with everyone and pop in now and again.  They almost never do.

In such a transitory line of work, it doesn't pay to be sentimental, though I do appreciate not everybody is able to be as heartless as me.  Recently, a pub manager I know said he was going to concentrate on a new pub he had the lease on 5 miles away (in the end he didn't, but that's a tale for another blog post).  Naturally, the story about this spread through his base of hardcore regulars, culminating in an incident one Sunday evening when one of them, who admittedly had been drinking pretty much all day, started crying at the bar. I did try to console him by saying this happened all the time in the pub trade and that nobody was actually dying or anything. How far I got in convincing him, I'm not sure.

In the end, life is what it is and people will move on.  One way or another you lose contact with everybody eventually, some in ways more final than others.  In the pub I'm presently typing this in, the member of staff presently serving is leaving next week to go and study in America.  I'm sure I'll miss them when they're not here, but there'll be someone behind the bar next Monday to serve me pints of Windermere Pale nonetheless.

Bar work pays poorly, and the hours are inconsistent.  Be nice to the staff, maybe even converse with them, but don't expect them to be there forever.  And, of course, remember to keep your distance.

News in Brief #48

"We'll make sure nobody tells us things we don't want to hear"

CAMRA Revitalisation Continues Apace

Allegedly moribund consumer organisation The Campaign for Real Ale this week commended it's own success of its ongoing Revitalisation project. "Here at St. Albans we've been reading through all the submitted emails and leaflets," burbled CAMRA founder Michael Hardman "and we can now decide on a proper course of action."

"We've decided to appoint another ten people to the Revitalisation committee. Exciting times are ahead! Nothing says 'prompt decision making' more than extra members on a committee to discuss things." triumphalised Hardman.

"We've also sent emails to all the members inviting them to a meeting next week helpfully located 110 miles away and scheduled for 9am on a Saturday during railway works." continued Mikey "This goes to show how sensitive we are to the needs of the membership. "

South East Grizedale branch Treasurer Greg Steakbake told us "I've made sure our meeting is scheduled for April 2017, so hopefully this nonsense will all be forgotten by then. After that we can concentrate on the really important CAMRA business."

"Like slagging off craft beer in our local magazine."

Rewarding laziness and/or desperation

Barperson Gets Long Service Award

This Monday,  pub service operative Claire Glassbreaker was presented with a trophy celebrating her 6 weeks of employment at the Marquess of Hartington, a town centre pub in Wakefield. "It's a momentous occasion," shouted landlord Barry Shortmeasure "Nobody has ever stayed here so long."

"Normally I sack them before now for being rude to customers, or robbing drinks from the optics. Or they leave under a cloud of sexual harassment allegations. Or they just disappear one day and are never seen or heard of again."

"Claire is major asset to this pub. She never complains about rota changes or loses the keys or sits outside smoking rollies instead of cleaning the bar." congratulated Shortmeasure "I don't know what I'd do without her."

Meanwhile, Claire herself admitted quietly "The awards nice and stuff, but I haven't the heart to tell Barry I'm giving one day's notice tomorrow to go backpacking in Croatia. I'll be sorry to leave this wonderful place and all it's wonderful characters. "

"Actually, that's a lie. So long suckers! "

Who do you think you are kidding Mr. Juncker? 

BREXIT Provokes Blogger Reaction

In the commotion created by the UK electorate's decision to leave the European Union, one group of voices has been hitherto ignored, that of Beer Bloggers.

Remainer and awesome dude Curt Mattis expressed his dismay at the results "It's, like, really awful man. I'm going to need to show my passport to people when I go to Europe to create content for my partner breweries."

"Not to mention that all my favourite beers I have shipped over from the USA and all those New World hops will be, like, really expensive now." cried Curty. "I'll probably have to start drinking English beer at Wetherspoons or something. It's awful!"

Happier about events was nostalgist Exiteer and pikestaff wielder Mudgie Mudgington "I heartily approve of this result. For too long, we in the UK have been told what to do by Brussels bureaucrats!"

"No longer will all the road signs have to display all the distances in kilometres, and I'll never be served 500ml of beer instead of a good old British Imperial pint!"

"Except at Sam Smiths of course, where they serve that and call it a pint anyway."