Yesterday's Gone

I was browsing BlueSky yesterday.  A probably futile activity, I know.  My low-engagement presence there doesn't garner anything like my former reputation on Twitter did a decade ago, mainly because I don't do many "interactions".  If anything best describes BlueSky, it's the word "beige".  The butterfly logo should really be replaced with that of a bowl of tapioca pudding.

I'm not the only one to have noticed.  It seems that BlueSky isn't,  you know, as exciting for beer discourse as Twitter was.

Normally on BlueSky, such sentiments would engender rapid condemnation, if not outright cancellation.  But not this time.  Most said that yes, despite the wholesale migration of Beer Twitter to BlueSky about 18 months ago, there is a lot less discussion than there used to be.  Everyone is there, but they're not saying much these days.

If you can remember the beer scene of 10 years ago, everything seemed new and exciting.  New breweries and bars were popping up weekly, especially in the places where there were large concentrations of Young People.  Out were the staid old locals, dull beer and Wetherspoons habituees and in were cloudy IPAs, street food and "progressive" events.  But like all things that were popular, they eventually became unpopular as the trend-seekers either grew past it, or sought better remunerated activities elsewhere.  The world, apparently, can't be changed one pint at a time.

So, as the old scene declines, there is simply less to talk about.  Craft beer is rarely discussed in the mainstream media any more, unless some scandal or financial disaster happens.  The few remaining niche writers trundle about the remaining craft outlets picking up the last scraps of news and freebies (all YOURS on Patreon for £1 a month!).  And the world, as ever moves on.

Perhaps one day the pendulum will swing back, maybe in a decade when the next lot of 21-year-olds come along and need something new to define themselves against the previous generation.  But the present, the "beer social" scene has retreated back to niche it occupied 20 years ago.  It will never truly die completely, but it won't be as visible as it was in 2018.

Maybe like Doctor Who, it needs a bit of rest before a new group of people can make it relevant again.

He Who Plays With Fire

Like most adults my age, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, some with more serious consequences than others.  One mistake I seem to keep making is accidently winding people up on social media.  It could be said that Twitter these days is little but shouting, abuse, trolling and agenda-pushing.  I try and avoid all that, but whereas those things seem to be de rigeur, one thing that seemingly is not allowed is my main mode of operation - irreverence.

Recently, a new beer blogger was asking for advice on how to go about their pastime.  "Beer blogging?" I thought "Do people actually still want to do that these days?  I thought it was all about meeting fellow dudes in awesome places and taking selfies to put on Instagram."  But it appears at least one person still thinks it's a viable thing to do these days.  Of course, I made my usual mistake and gave the facetious advice "Don't do what I did".  You'd think that saying not to piss people off all the time by making fun of them would be sensible advice.  But no.

Well, that was me told.  Maybe it's an autistic thing, but I simply do not get how people read stuff like this into what I say.  Enjoy being what I view as the voice of dissent?  I thought I just wrote what I thought and let people judge me on the basis of that, but the clue here is in the use of word "being".  It implies I'm "acting a role" here, that I've created a persona that allows me to annoy people by being deliberately contrarian.  As anyone who's ever met me will tell you, I express exactly the same opinions in real life as I do online, and in pretty much the same way too.  I don't possess the social wherewithall or energy to pretend to be someone I'm not.

And belittling the careers of her friends?  Well, I'm not exactly sure who said "friends" she refers to are, but I can take a good guess - the Awesome Dude Blog Brigade whom I regularly make fun of.  They're an easy target, admittedly, what with their view that anyone saying something in the beer world is less than rosy is being treasonous by "doing the industry down", and their marked preference for pressing emotional buttons over reporting facts.  But "belittling"?  They seem to be doing quite well to me, and I assume their blogs get far more hits than this farrago of nonsense does.  If the ADBB feel threatened by anything I say here, it says more about them than me.

After all, this isn't really about blogging in the old sense.  Eighteen years ago, when I started, everything in the blogosphere was metaphorically all fields.  People started them because they were interested in stuff and wanted to share their views and connect with other people.  But now, it's all become very careerist - the thing on display isn't the blog's subject or even the views expressed therein.  No, the product is the blogger themselves.  "Look at me! I can both network and compose coherent sentences! Hire me for paid gigs!".

And that's why they don't like irreverence.  People's futures are being "risked" by a subject being seen to be less than serious.  Anyone who doesn't take things seriously must be dismissed out of hand lest they say something other than the accepted truth of the hive mind.  And that's why I end up upsetting people, usually by accident.

I think I may have finally learned the lesson here - Do Not Engage The Awesome.

When Did It Stop Being Fun?

Prompted by the tweets above, the last few days I've been pondering, well, what the bloody hell happened to the online beer world while I was "away" (he typed euphemistically).  They're right.  It isn't as much fun as it used to be.  This has been a common theme on this blog for many years - I originally started it up nearly 5 years ago because I thought everything was too serious. 

Sadly, despite my (and a few others) best efforts, the Serious Business of the online beer world rumbles slowly uphill.  A major reason is the increased Professionalism on social media.  Whereas once my Twitter feed would be dominated by people having a joke and a laugh about various beers, the brewers, the pubs and the other people online, now it's about Promotion.  There's THIS event going on somewhere; there will be SOMEONE there and there will be a PARTICULAR beer to drink there. 

This, of course, is SERIOUS stuff.  This is someone's livelihood here, and social media is a way to get the word and the personal brand out.  That's all well and good - everyone needs money to live.  But for those who go onto social media to unwind and be irreverent, the constant in-your-face plugs can be wearing.  

I'm even seeing the odd "blue tick" on the more famous Beer People's accounts.  For those who don't know, a blue tick is displayed by holders of "authorised" accounts.  And for those who have one, they can use Twitter to simply not display anything from "non-authorised" accounts, thus becoming an echo-chamber of the Awesome to which the plebs are not admitted.

Such things divide the once relatively easy-going world of Online Beer into tribes.  THERE are the Brewers, THERE are the Beer Communicators and Authors, THERE are the Pub Bloggers and THERE, god help them, are the drinkers.  The occasional flaming arrow will be fired from one camp to another when someone gets irritated or upset, but mostly the tribes keep to themselves.

It's sad.  But it's a testament to the fact that social media has done far more to divide people than it's done to bring them together.

News in Brief #53

"My GBG's not here yet. It's a conspiracy!"

Beer Guide Delay Causes Panic

This week, the unexpected lateness of the delivery of advance copies of The Good Beer Guide has caused mass consternation amongst CAMRA ticker types.  "The wait has been terrible," cried serial pub traveller Merton Nay-Chess "I've not known quite what to do with myself."

"Since I don't have a book to tell me where to go, I've been stuck at home.  It's got so bad that I've been scrawling obscure symbols about pub facilities on the walls in crayon, and then going over them with highlighter pens." he burbled

"It'd better arrive soon. My wife is threatening to divorce me if I don't get out of the house."

Meanwhile, rampant annoyer of the UK's landlords Kenny Garfunkel complained "I've put a note on my door demanding the delivery of my Beer Guide just in case the postman thinks of chucking it over a hedge or into the canal.  I've even put signs up from the sorting office to my flat, but still no joy."

"The train company are threatening to close down my local station," ranted Kenny "due to lack of use as three-quarters of all journeys are apparently by me going to god knows where,"

Good Beer Guide editor Roger Protz said about the delays "Bloody tickers. Don't these people have a local to go to or something?"

Still less viscous than the average Craft IPA

Bottle Experiment Continues

The Department of Opacity at London University this month celebrated the Fifth Anniversary of their famous long term experiment.  "We saw that pitch drop thing on Wikipedia," said Professor John Spuriousfunding "and it inspired us."

"We did some research and decided that the flow rate of bitumen wasn't quite quite long-haul enough for our purposes.  So we bought a bottle of Kernel Motueka IPA and gave it a good shake beforehand ,put it in the fridge, as suggested and waited for it to clear."

"We've been checking it every week since September 7th 2011.  Since then the transparency has increased by 2 OUs.  As such, we're expecting it to completely clear by April 2156.  It's a good job we have a long term grant to keep the bottle top from rusting."

Kernel Head Brewer Evan O'Riordan told us.  "How intriguing.  Don't know why they're bothering, though.  I can never get my beers to clear."

"In fact, I heard of people serving that Motueka IPA by the slice."

The latest division of AB InBev hard at work

AB InBev Acquire Beer Blog

Despicable corporate takeover monster Anheuser-Busch InBev have announced their latest acquisition to the Drinks Media. Suprisingly, it's not a beer, a brewery or even a brand.  "No, we've decided on a different tack this time." intoned Head of Heartless Wholesale Desecration Hiram J. Heritagetrasher "We've bought one of those 'Beer Blog' things."

The blog in question "Seeing The Lizards", a barely read farrago of crude mockery and incoherent ramblings was bought this week from it's owner Matthew Lawrenson for the record price of 2 cases of beer.  "It definitely fills a gap in our portfolio." continued Heritagetrasher "It's so much effort and cost to keep doing things like ads about pumpkin peach ale to annoy and upset the 'beer community', so we sought out somebody who's been doing it for a long time and for free too."

Lawrenson, speaking from his usual barstool at the Moorbrook Inn, Preston while sinking his eighth pint of BlackJack and simultaneously pissing people off on Twitter "This is an exciting time for 'Seeing The Lizards'. I look forward to working in partnership with a company of AB InBev's stature to move forward with future content."

"Don't know what I'm going to to with these 48 cans of Camden IHL they gave me, though."

Travelling

Another day. Another barfull of strangers

A reasonably recent phenomenon in the beer Blogger world is the Travelling Blogger. Usually basing their journeys around a Beer or Pub guide of some sort, they travel around towns and cities both near and far in search of pub experiences otherwise unavailable at home.

Whether because of retirement and disposable income, or visiting the locals in the places your football team plays away at that fortnight, going to a faraway pub is holding increasing appeal for quite a few people.  I'm guessing as the whole "pub experience" becomes increasingly homogenised and blanded for a certain restless type variety becomes a prized commodity. In towns that become dominated by a certain brewery or Pubco, this can often be the only way you'll ever get anything different.

What do you do in say, East Anglia market towns if you don't want Greene King or Adnams? For a certain restless and energetic person with a disposable income, the answer is obvious. Go elsewhere.

I'm probably lucky in that I live in a town with a reasonable array of options.  I don't have to travel too far to somewhere where I'll get an "atypical" beer. Too much travel outside the area is limited for me, anyway. I have a job that requires me to start at 6am most days, which precludes me staying out too late. And I don't possess the necessary social skills to strike up instant rapports with pubgoers and staff that I, to be honest, have very little in common with.

The times I've been out in unusual places trying to find a pub that has decent beer, isn't too noisy and crowded, or I don't risk having the shit kicked out of me for being "different", I've often ended up sitting on a bench, looking at the clock and wishing I was back in Preston. At least I know where I AM there. It's not perfect by any means, but I know where and where not to go, and whom I'm likely to see.

I'm not saying that going out of your " comfort zone" is a bad thing, but most of the time "familiar" is best. It's why we have 'locals' after all. I like to go somewhere where they'll just pour me a pint, instead of giving me "customer service training DVD" spiel.

Call me unadventurous and insular. And I probably am. But most of the time, novelty isn't the best thing in the world.

News in Brief #24

"10p for a can of Beavertown, guv?"

Reducing the Strength Proclaimed Success

Legally dubious health initiative Reducing the Strength today announced that they have successfully removed 1 million units of alcohol from the retail market in areas troubled by street drinkers.

We asked Wolverhampton corner off-licence owner Ron Underagesales what he thought about all the potential business he's lost this year. Unexpectedly, he said. "It's been great! No longer am I bothered by strange-smelling, unshaven and shabbily dressed types wandering in and demanding high strength beer.  My normal customers have told me this a much better place to shop now."

We were about to ask where he thought the homeless alcoholics had disappeared to, but he carried on. "So yes, I'm glad I got rid of that craft beer fridge. Damn hipsters."

"Now I can concentrate on my core business." said Ron "Flogging Super and Spesh to the mentally ill itinerants outside."

The drink of our cockroach masters in the year 3535

Cask Stout Enters Third Week On Bar

Yorkshire wet-led town pub, The Sheep And Bicycle has claimed the world record for a dark beer being kept on the handpulls despite nobody even contemplating buying it.

Living Cliché licensee Barry Shortmeasure hooked up his barrel of Barnsley Sludge, a 4.7% cask stout on the 2nd July.  Despite having only sold 2 and a half pints in that time, he has no plans to dispose of it.

"I've been trying it every day," confided Barry "and it's been getting slowly more musty and acidic for the last week or so.  I've told the staff to give it a bigger push. After all, real ale drinkers expect cask stout to be sour and tasting of boiled cabbage. Nobody seems to want it though."

"I'm not throwing it away dammit.  I'm not losing money on the stuff and affecting my 75% GP."

"If the worst comes to the worst, I'll put it in the vinegar shakers."

I'll be back when I feel like it, man

Online Community Confused Due To Beer Blogger Holiday

During Britain's oddly warm summer, many of the country's beer Bloggers have taken a rest to recharge their batteries/research for the autumn/disappear abroad (delete as applicable).  But their readers are less than content.

Insatiable blog consumer Sam Notarobot moaned yesterday "I'm used to getting up at 7am everyday and checking the beer blogs before breakfast. But since the Bloggers all went on vacation, my cornflakes haven't tasted the same without being me being able to wash them down with a good helping of spurious conjecture and confirmation bias."

"I've not even been able to drink any beer, as the review sites have been inactive since 27th June." Sam sorrowfully muttered "So I've not been able to choose which beer to spend loads of money on, despite knowing somebody else got sent it for free."

In desperation, he turned to Twitter "And what did I see? A tweet from one of the Bloggers saying 'Drinking Estrella in Barcelona. You have to, don't you? #scorchio #cheapest' "

"It's almost as though they're mocking my pathetic life or something."