The Landlord

No, this isn't a post about the best known product of Timothy Taylor, fine product when well-kept it no doubt is. No, in my increasingly reckless journey down the road of iconoclasm, I'm going the write about the person who runs The Pub.

Imagine. You go to the pub, probably for a swift pint before your evening meal. There to greet you is a jolly, ruddy-cheeked chap with sideburns polishing a glass. He knows your name, and is pouring your drink before you even order it. And again, before you even finish that one. As the night closes in, he will listen to the tales of your day with a sympathetic ear, all the while making sure your glass is fuller than your life's events makes it seem. Then, at the end of the night, when you're somewhat the worse for wear, he will gently shepherd you out and back off home, never presuming or offending, but making clear he has your best interests at heart. He closes the doors, to begin the nightly task of making sure his pub is as spick-and-span as when the doors opened that day. Then he turns in, happily reassured by the knowledge that the cycle will begin anew at noon the following day.

Or so the popular image goes. Sadly, the actual experience of tenant landlords in current times sadly exposes this as a myth. The BBC has reported a study that Publicans have one of the lowest levels of job satisfaction, and the Morning Advertiser says many are struggling.  As you've probably read elsewhere, the pincer of falling on-trade drinks sales and pub company/brewery pressures are likely to be behind this. It's a wonder anyone wants to take on a pub at all.

So why be a tenant landlord of a pub? You own the actual business, but you're unlikely to own the building itself or the infrastructure that supports it. When you fail to meet targets, or displease your masters, you're likely to be evicted. Thus losing both your job and home in one go. And even if you do manage to be a success, your rent will likely be raised as a reward.  The salaried manager has none of this, he or she just collects the money and goes home. While they can be pressured and fired, they won't become homeless and a guaranteed a certain amount of cash each month.

Is it now prudent to "call time" (pub article cliché #1, sorry) on the concept of the tenant landlord?  To me, it seems a model of employment left over from the 19th Century, never mind the 20th. I presume it worked when landlords were owner-proprietors, but when they live in a company building to sell that company's products, it seems to be a relationship based on exploitation and coercion. It almost goes without saying that the biggest (and possibly only) pub success of the last 20 years, Wetherspoons, is exclusively salary-managed. I assume that most of the hipster crafty places are run on similar lines, too.

As far as I can see, there are precious few reasons to keep the tenant model going. The only thing it does is attract people with the promise of liberty, but only providing indentured servitude.

Food

The breakfast of champions

What with beer being almost fashionable these days, we now have a whole different type of "beer writer" than we had even 10 years ago.  Whereas the likes of Roger Protz and Michael Jackson would talk about a beer for its inherent taste and drinking qualities, today you'll get writers discussing "food matching".

A lot of this is down to an only partially hidden inferiority complex about beer. Wine was the drink of the well-to-do, and was consumed by the glass with a meal. Beer, on the other hand, was swigged by the pint by poverty stricken proles. So, when the whole crafty thing blew up, it was decided (probably subconsciously) that to make beer more " classy" , having it with food was the way to go.

I'm sure the foody beery types such as Yvan Seth and Melissa Cole, to name but two, get something out of this.  And I'm equally sure their audience understand it.  I would have thought "food matching" with any drink to be entirely subjective, as no two people's taste buds and sense of smell are exactly the same. But there you go.

As for me, I'd be terrible at it. I had many traumatic incidents involving food as a child, and thus now eat very little of what could be termed good food. I will happily eat pizza four days a week - goes well with Thornbridge Jaipur, I've found. I say four, because that's about the amount of actual meals I have.  The rest of the time, I'm out drinking, and subsist on beer, milk, chocolate and energy drinks. (My uncle once criticised me for this, saying I'd end up like my grandad, who lived on Special Brew and baked beans.  So, I'm going to end up dying in my own home after a short illness at 72).

I suppose the above marks me out as a philistine as far as food goes, and my opinions of how things taste should be entirely ignored. I will state, however, that I've only had one day off sick in 5 years. The reason why? Food poisoning. Lesson learned.

Jaipur £3.30 a Pint

Not many pubs close and then reopen in the 2010s. I assume it's far more remunerative to sell them off for development, or just demolish and flog the land. Surprisingly, though, one such pub which this hasn't happened to is The Moorbrook, just outside Preston's city centre.

After spending what I presume to be a not inconsiderable sum on the Lamb & Packet and The Sun, Thwaites seem the have thought this particular pub as surplus to requirements (as they do with a lot of other things, apparently). So, it went up for auction. And, as you'll be surprised to hear, it was bought by "developers".

This is where the tale gets peculiar. For whatever reason, the developers backed out, and as such The Moorbrook went to the second-highest bidder, the people behind Preston's celebrated venues The Continental and The Ferret. Naturally, they wanted to keep it as a pub.

So. The Moorbrook has spent the last three months being refurbished as a crafty place. If nothing else, it saves money as, due to Thwaites policy of neglect, it came mostly ready-distressed. In fact, even when the place had only been open an hour, I saw the brass footbar hadn't been polished.  You can never tell with these refurbishments what exactly is original or been carefully installed.  Welsh Dresser-like display for the spirits behind the bar? Could be original, I suppose. Knackered looking chairs and stools? Were they inherited from the previous owners, or selected for their dishevelled qualities at a furniture clearance?  One thing I certainly know - the blackboards are new.

"We don't serve Brasso here anymore, mate"

And the beer? Well, you can tell they've been aiming for those of the Crafty persuasion as Darkstar Hophead was on the pumps. While they have Thatcher's cider on, there's no Foster's or Strongbow. Thwaites Original is a permanent fixture, presumably as a sop to any of its previous clientele who decide to wander in.  Tellingly, they have a Craft Keg IPA. Best of all, though, on opening day, Thornbridge Jaipur was on sale. At £3.30 a pint - a good 80p less than anywhere else (excepting Spoons) I've seen it.

Wasn't always the middle of nowhere on North Road, Preston

All in all, the refurbished Moorbrook is a work in progress, which is fair enough on its opening day. The place is in a peculiar location (smack in the middle of a retail park just off the A6) with little passing foot trade, and its signs are obviously the old Thwaites ones painted/masking taped over. The bottle selection may need some improvement, but I suspect they're limited by fridge space. But as central Preston's only craft beer place, it's a welcome development.

It's not replaced The Tap House in my affections, but it's good to have somewhere to go in town where the beer is reasonably good and isn't a cavernous hellhole or a dismally decorated dive. And they're on the same bus route even....

Cry for Help

Though I rarely admit it in public, I am a member of CAMRA. There, I said it. I feel cleansed now. Or maybe it's the Windy Pale I've just bought with my discount. Whatever.

I am not an active member, along with 98% of the membership. The reasons why are numerous. Lack of time, lack of interest in the activities available and preference to spend my free time drinking beer as opposed to politicking about it. But mostly, it's because of this.

Sadly, the above, though described as a cruel parody, is not far off what the Central Lancs branch of CAMRA actually think. Those that have in the recent past who have read their quarterly magazine Ale Cry will know what I mean. "Strident, ranty tone" and "antediluvian" are just two of the sobriquets used, by CAMRA members both.

So, today, I went into the Old Black Bull in Preston, ordered a pint of bitter and picked up this :

Yes, I was confused too. Where, for example, was the Masthead? Has Ale Cry's notoriety increased to such a degree that they have to furtively publish under an anonymous banner? I looked inside seeking reassurance, but no luck. Where were the mentions of "Zombeers"? Where was the stinging denunciations of " Craft Keg" as being the "thin end of the wedge"? There was promos in the Editorial, which denounced Punch and Enterprise as a bunch of bastards, but even this was disappointingly sane.  No, it was all bloody reports about local pubs, and drunken wanderings about various nearby places.

Then I got to page 9 and saw this :

Yes, Ale Cry has published an advert announcing the local availability of Craft Keg. I looked around nervously for other signs of impending apocalypse. But none were there. I had to conclude, that after recent incidents, CAMRA HQ in St. Albans have leant upon Central Lancs and told them to tone down the rhetoric or something.

It's most disappointing. Ale Cry is far less entertaining as a result. I know many people who only read it for it's comedy value. In fact, someone I know insists I bring a copy of every issue to Lancaster for this very purpose.

It's a sad day when we can no longer rely on our local provincial CAMRA branch to protect us from the depredations of vile keg. I hope for a return to form for the summer issue.

Big in Norway

As I will no doubt be out getting thoroughly pissed for the next few days, I've decided to do this post a few days early (links and pics are tricky to do on Blogger's Android app).

Yes, it's that day.  This blog has now been around 1 whole year.  My 12,000 hits in 362 days has not set the world alight, apart from a couple of instances.  As I've often said, I'm not a chronicler like Mudgie, a journalist like Boak & Bailey, an activist like Tandleman or a historian like Ron Pattinson.  I just point at stuff and laugh.  But such things have their place in the world, surely?

So, in the spirit of this undoubtedly significant anniversary, I've decided to do a beloved beer blogger trick and self-mine my year's worth of posts for the highlights :

Twinned with Stockport

Roaming Through Mudgie Land : Prompted by The Pub Curmudgeon extolling the virtues of Dumpy Old Men's Pubs (© Cooking Lager 2011) and having a bus ticket giving me unlimited travel for a week, I decided to have a wander round the local family-owned brewery houses.  For some reason, this post was very popular in Norway.  I like to imagine there being a Mudgie Fan Club in Oslo, where the members sit drinking bitter in a replica Sam Smith's house while complaining about Smoking Bans and encroaching modernization.

Not the author of this blog

The Future Of CAMRA and The Point Of CAMRA : By far my most popular posts.  By number of pageviews, if not for the views expressed therein.  This got me referred to by a CAMRA Branch Chairman on another blog as "I have to say I have found Mark Lawrenson (solely from his blog so I may be doing him an injustice) to be a slightly odd individual whose rather hackneyed and at times clicheed views of CAMRA are largely influenced by his local branch". Slightly odd I will admit to, but never being called 'Mark'.

Any resemblance to the activities of other Craft Breweries is entirely coincidental

BrewCat Meets a Journalist and BrewCat Gets a Customer : Being a longtime reader of Cyanide & Happiness, I thought "Those bastards must be making millions out of stick figure comics.  Where's my share?".  So I decided to create my own.  How wrong I was.  It typically took me 4-6 hours to do each one, and they're the least visited posts on the blog.  After doing six of them, I decided that for the forseeable future, it would be wiser to spend 20 minutes bashing out some nonsense in the pub over a pint.

As used by local bloggers

Guest Post - Johnny Whitepebble of Beer Traveler : As it happens, the writer of a well-known (at the time) local blog made an official complaint about one of my barman friends.  Never met the bloke myself, despite being in the same pubs at roughly the same time.  Parody was my only weapon it appeared.  And it was good.  So good, that said local blogger ended his blog a week later.  I'm a harsh man.

Sensible times ahead!

And that's the alleged highlights of a year's worth of blogging.  I hope to still be around this time next year to do this all again, providing I still have some liver function left.  And to all my Norwegian friends, I'll be raising a bottle or two of Nøgne Ø to you tomorrow. Skål!

The Female-Friendly Pub

Tea light, yesterday. Hordes of females not pictured

What with the obvious declining nature of the pub trade, those in charge of these things are either trying to appeal to as many people as possible, or attempting to wedge themselves into an otherwise-unoccupied niche.

One pub of my acquaintance, hitherto a crafty beer place, has been earmarked by the pubco for certain changes, on the somewhat peculiar grounds that there's not enough money to be made in selling decent beer.

This particular pub company has a female executive in charge of marketing and "customer engagement" and her Big Idea is to make this pub more "female friendly". A nebulous term if ever there was one.

Without wanting to come over all Misogynist Dave, there aren't, in my experience, many things that 

the majority of women like. The aforementioned female executive's idea of this consists of (a) tea lights on every table (b) a soft rock playlist and (c) removing all stools from the bar. I suggested to the manager that he should stop selling alcoholic beverages altogether, and concentrate on Cat Memorabilia, cupcakes and chocolate. I'm not sure he realised it wasn't a serious suggestion.

In my opinion, such theming of pubs is doomed, as it has the whole thing the wrong way round. The clientele should be the majority of the pub atmosphere and raison d'etre, rather than inventing a " concept" and hoping the "right" people appear.

Would people like a town centre fully of nichey theme places? And how long would it all last if it was? Remember the Eighties, yes, the Eighties...

Spooooooooons

Half a cheap pub, half a JobCentre. And why not?

Wetherspoons.  Possibly one of the most divisive topics of the age.  Are they a force for good or evil?

My local Spoons, The Grey Friar, is pictured above.  The place is my favourite pub anecdote.  It always gets a laugh when I tell people that my local Spoons occupies a building that is also occupied by the local JobCentre Plus.  Personally, I cannot believe it wasn't planned that way, though surely the stories of benefits being electronically sent to a bar tab system are untrue.  It's also the only pub that has ever refused to serve me.  Ironically, I was ordering a can of Monster at the time.

Preston will be getting another Wetherspoons in the near future, thankfully located at the other end of town.  And, sad to say, this is probably one of the few instances that a pub from this august company would improve an area - Church Street being a dismal hole of takeaways and near-derelict vacant shops (it does contain one of Mudgie's beloved Sam Smith's, though).

A town's Wetherspoons, I think, it somewhere that has it's place.  Yes, they tend to attract people who really shouldn't be drinking John Smith's at 8am, and they are usually cavernous and unconducive to prolonged visits.  But if you happen to be in an unknown town for a short time, you are pretty much guaranteed at least a half decent pint and something reasonably edible.  For the local pubgoer too, it's probably one of the few pubs you'll find an atypical-to-the-region beer.  Where else in Preston, for example, would I ever find Darkstar Hophead or Titanic White Star?  In fact, it could be said that, along with Progressive Beer Duty, Wetherspoons is the main reason behind Britain's ever-increasing microbrewery numbers.  They have to be selling the stuff somewhere, and even if the shed/railway arch dwellers don't make a lot on a pint, it's getting their name out there.

Wetherspoons is neither good nor evil.  It is just there.  Cheap beer, free wifi, clean toilets and all the ping food you can eat for a tenner.  Timbo Martin's business model will outlast all the country's leatherette-bench codger pubs and reclaimed-brick crafty bars.  It would be a tragedy if all pubs were Spoons or faux/ersatz-Spoons, but the ones that are there perform their designated service role.  Even if, as in my town, that particular role is keeping a certain type of person away from the town centre streets.